One of the most taxing situations an individual can encounter is ridicule from within their own family circle. The feeling of being over analyzed and harshly judged from the ones we hold dearest to us is enough to send our bodies into mental distress.
The “need” to please our parents (or think we should) is programmed into our heads as a young child. Wanting to score that goal to make them proud, getting an “A” on that spelling test, to run home and earn satisfaction from the ones we cherish. These little acts are imprinted onto us and brought into our everyday adulthood.
But when do we start directing our lives for us?
It was the year I had my son, I became conscious of the whole situation. I have become a responsible adult, fully capable of making appropriate, and healthy decisions for my families future. However, I could not do it without my family’s ridicule. It seemed the littlest decision I would make would be accompanied with a phone call, and a million reasons why it is wrong and why I should change it to their desire. I changed every aspect of my life, my parenting, my social life, my employment. All of this to cater to my families need and reasoning how my life should be ran; hoping deep down they would look at me with satisfaction and respect my inner child longed for. Most of the decisions I made to please and satisfy their needs would completely turn my world upside down. It made things more difficult than need be, running around like a headless chicken bending to everyone’s whim. I became stressed, run down, lost 20lbs (when I was too skinny already), my life became a hectic and chaotic mess. Was it all worth the trials and tribulations just to have that feeling of approval?
The approval never came, it was a constant judgement on every aspect and detail of my life. 6 months ago, I finally came to the conclusion, this life is for me and my son. It is ours and ours only. Things started to change. I had to distance myself from my family, make decisions without approval, and do what was best for us. Life got easier, the running around lessened, my stress decreased, and my weight… well I’m still working on that one.
It was the hardest, and still one of the most difficult decisions to make. My heart wants their support and approval, but my brain knows the best for us. The urge to please our family, is stuck in our emotional upbringing, even when it comes with criticism and disapproval. My advice to everyone experiencing this: distance yourself, make your own decision without making that phone call, or text message. Choose the life that makes it easier, less stress, and most importantly happier…and see how things transform for the better.
Family is a wonderful part of everyone’s life, don’t get me wrong, but at the end of the day what you make of this world is up to you and YOU alone.